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Forgiveness


To Forgive someone is to relieve yourself of all the negative thinking that is generated by that painful memory. No more wasting time with Sorrow, Anger or Blaming, or Grudges, Hate or Revenge, it's time to move on. To forgive yourself is to stop being discouraged by your mistakes. Everyone Makes Mistakes. But you need to make the changes that you believe will stop the mistakes from repeating, and then move on. Don't judge people so much for the stupid things they said or did, more importantly, see people for the smart things they do now and say now. If someone hasn't changed or improved morally, then it is most likely that they have not yet learned how to improve, or learned how to love.

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Forgiveness Hug Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).

Leniency - Clemency - Mercy - Pardon - Amnesty - Patience - Prisons

Hate is an ignorant reaction that is created from a lack of knowledge and information about yourself and the world around you. Something that makes you feel uncomfortable or irritates you does not need to be hated. Hatred will not help you define what the problem is, hating will only make things worse. If you don't like something or if something is wrong or unjust, hating it will not solve the problem. Only problem solving solves problems.

Hate is a deep and extreme emotional dislike. It can be directed against individuals, groups, entities, objects, behaviors, or ideas. Hatred is often associated with feelings of anger, disgust and a disposition towards hostility.

Hate Crime (discrimination)

Hate Speech (profanity)

Disappointment is the feeling of dissatisfaction that follows the failure of expectations or hopes to manifest. Similar to Regret, it differs in that a person feeling regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that contributed to a poor outcome, while a person feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome itself. It is a source of psychological stress. The study of disappointment—its causes, impact, and the degree to which individual decisions are motivated by a desire to avoid it.

Resentment 

Estranged is a person who is no longer close or affectionate to someone. No positive feeling of liking. To turn away from a previously held state of affection. The lack of love and the absence of emotion or enthusiasm. Socially disoriented. Alienated or caused to be unloved. Disaffect or arouse hostility or indifference in where there had formerly been love, affection, or friendliness. Guns N' Roses "Estranged" Lyrics (youtube).

Scape Goating

Hostility is losing control of yourself and Reality, but if you have not yet learned what reality is, or learned how to control yourself, then you and others will continue to be victims of ignorance. Working together is a lot more productive with less crime, waste and corruption.

Hostility is seen as form of emotionally charged aggressive behavior. In everyday speech it is more commonly used as a synonym for Anger and Aggression.

Crimes - Violence

So what is Hate good for? Absolutely Nothing, say it again.  

Revenge is a form of primitive justice usually assumed to be enacted in the absence of the norms of formal law and jurisprudence. Often, revenge is defined as being a harmful action against a person or group in response to a grievance, be it real or perceived. It is used to right a wrong by going outside of the law. This is because the individual taking revenge feels as though the law will not do justice. Revenge is also known as payback, retribution, retaliation, or vengeance; it may be characterized as a form of justice (not to be confused with retributive justice), an altruistic action which enforces societal or moral justice aside from the legal system. Why is Revenge a waste of time?

Why is an Eye for an Eye Illogical? An Eye for an Eye leaves everyone blind.

To give someone a taste of their own medicine is to do the same bad thing to someone that they have often done to you, in order to show them how unpleasant it is. Except that two wrongs don't make a right. Giving someone a taste of their own medicine is a type of revenge. But sometimes making people feel the pain that they caused is a form of learning. But we know now that punishment is illogical and ineffective. Solving problems is about learning, not hurting.

Hurt is to be the source of pain. The act of damaging something or someone. Cause damage or affect negatively. Cause emotional anguish or make miserable. Hurt the feelings of. Any physical damage to the body caused by violence or accident or fracture etc.. Psychological suffering. Feelings of mental or physical pain.

Sorry Donald Duck Morals - Know Thyself - Reasoning

Anger Management

Sorry is a mistake you feel bad about making. A feeling or expressing regret or sorrow or a sense of loss over something done or undone.

Saying that you're Sorry

Apologize is to let a person know that you made a mistake and you feel bad about it. To acknowledge faults or shortcomings or failing.

How to Apologize
Apologize (wiki how)

Repentance (regret)

"Saying sorry doesn't mean a thing when you don't change your actions."

"Apologizing doesn't always mean you're wrong and the other person is right, it means that you value your relationship more then your ego."

Ego is an inflated feeling of pride in your perceived superiority to others.

"Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right."

"I would rather care about people and help people and understand people, instead of just feeling sorry for people. Just feeling sorry for people does very little for the people in need. Empathy is almost useless if no actions are taken to help the people you are empathizing with. Small steps continually made can solve any problem.

Cognitive Distortion

When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself. When you can see the bad in others, you should be able to see the bad in yourself. Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right. When someone treats you badly do not take Revenge or get even or get back at someone by repeating the same ignorant behavior. This kind of action usually makes things worse and seldom teaches the other person about how hurtful or how damaging their actions were. Plus this kind of revenge can have a negative affect and make you look like the guilty one. A thorough communication is needed to explain why this action was inappropriate and why you take offence. Do not look for an Apology or seek Forgiveness, only except it when given. Just make the person understand that you are aware of this inappropriate behavior and that you do not appreciate it's implications or its timing.

The Forgiveness Project

Why do they Glorify Revenge in Movies, knowing that it encourages Hatred and Anger?

Due Diligence and Justice is much more effective in correcting a perceived wrong.


Vindictive is the willingness to seek revenge or intended for revenge. Showing malicious ill will and a desire to hurt; motivated by spite. Action taken in return for an injury or offense. Take revenge for a perceived wrong. Retaliate. Make a counterattack and return like for like, especially evil for evil.

Spite is feeling a need to see others suffer.

"People have problems, but it's not their fault, this is what happens to people when there's too much abuse and not enough care."

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes



Love is the Way

Nelson Mandela Forgives Love communicates much more effectively, but only if the love you're expressing is honest and accurate. Sometimes anger and emotion can also be effective in communicating, but only if it's honest and accurate, and only, if you immediately follow your outburst with a message of love and understanding, never end with anger. If you want to solve a problem, you must learn to communicate your ideas effectively, you must use the most effective methods of communication, and use the most effective methods of teaching. I'm not saying that you should never get angry or never express yourself emotionally, I'm saying that anger a lot of times interferes with your message, and not just that, anger can also provoke violence, and anger can also be hurtful and traumatic to the receivers of your anger. So love is the way. But you must Learn the Way of Love, and that is done by educating yourself with the the best knowledge and skills that society has to offer. And that is what I'm working on.

"As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison." Nelson Mandela (wiki) - No one is Born Hating

In order to connect with people and to have healthy interactions, you have to learn to accept people for who they are. This is not saying that you should ignore someone's differences, it's just saying that you should not let other peoples differences get in the way of understanding them. You don't want to force people to change, or blame them for not changing, you just want to show people that changing, modifying or adjusting is not that difficult or complex, and that everyone goes through changes their whole life, with some of those changes improving life and other changes making things worse. 

People Smart

"I don't hate people who do horrible things, after all, you can't hate ignorant people, ignorant people don't know what ignorant is, there for we have to find more ways to communicate and educate each other."

"You only have to forgive once, which is a lot better then carrying around resentment and always reminding yourself of all the bad moments because then you will just waste a lot of time and energy feeling angry."

A great song about forgiveness is from Christina Aguilera called "Hurt" (youtube)  

"I don't forgive people because I'm weak, I forgive them because I am strong enough to know that people make mistakes."
Marilyn Monroe



The Thinker Man